We’ve had a rotating cast of absurd sponsorships for bowl games for decades. We’ve had stadium naming rights, apparel sponsorships, athletes now with ridiculous NIL commercials, and mascots getting eaten (fly high, our sweet Pop-Tart). The shamelessness of corporate sponsorship is not something out of the ordinary, and in the age of social media and branding, one could even say some of them are beneficial to sports. However, we reached a new realm this week that is the Valhalla of synergy:

Pitbull, Mr. Worldwide, has acquired the naming rights to FIU’s stadium that will now be Pitbull Stadium. He’ll also get exclusive rights to the stadium for up to 10 years, use of the stadium for South Beach parties rent-free for 10 days, he’ll get to make an FIU entrance anthem and the vodka of choice at the venue will be his own, Voli 305. Picture that with a Kodak!

No, the FIU players may not consistently listen to a 43 year-old Cuban rapper that happens to be the king of South Beach, but they’ll benefit from more eyes on the program! All of the people wanting to build an EA Sports Dynasty might want to choose “the Pitbull school” that actually has sweet Miami Vice alternate uniforms! Vacationers in Miami might opt to go to an FIU Pitbull game and concert for the experience now that the Marlins are likely eliminated! It’s another character in the absurdities that make up the beautiful sport of college football. 

With Pitbull breaking the seal and this being the most unpredictable entity in sports where nothing matters and changes seemingly every day, the question is: what’s next? Who’s going to think, “brilliant idea, Mr. 305!” as it’s now a trend? The opportunities are endless. Let’s speculate, but first, let’s give it some similar criteria to the bar that’s already been set:

-Must be related to the area’s identity or have attended the university

-The school can’t be feels too conceited to do something this shameless; it needs to be a school like FIU that would benefit from trying to get some branding

-The icon needs to be someone with established staying power

-The icon needs to be someone that could also benefit from being “back” or already is fine with shameless promotions

San Diego State Aztecs: Blink-182

The most west coast, dudes rock, rebellious punk band could easily help out the Aztecs create a punk powerhouse. The 90’s skate scene and the San Diego State cutoff sleeve jerseys in the beautiful weather could make them a Group of 5 force to be reckoned with ever since the Rashaad Penny days. Sure, they’re past their prime, but Blink is a band with stadium anthems that college kids could still yell out and they even already have a song called San Diego to make their anthem!

N.C. State Wolfpack: Petey Pablo

As the ambassador of North Carolina hip-hop that has “Raise Up” play after every goal already at Carolina Hurricanes games, it’s only right. We need a Petey Pablo resurgence as the song will permanently bang, he’s somehow still touring, yet there are still, “what happened to Petey Pablo?” questions that plague us. The Wolfpack could make an argument as QBU going back to Phillip Rivers, Russell Wilson, Jacoby Brissett, and Mike Glennon, but are sometimes the “stepchild” to Duke and UNC with them as basketball powerhouses. With the sweet hungry wolf logo, the red and black color scheme in Raleigh, and the boys coming out of the tunnel waving shirts above their heads like a helicopter as Petey Pablo blares, you’d have the Petey Pablo Pit bumpin’ and cement them as the North Carolina football school.

UTSA Roadrunners: Travis Scott

Welcome to the Cactus Jack Desert, San Antonio!

UTSA and the Roadrunners have made bowl games four years in a row under Jeff Traylor and have a ton of momentum headed their way after going from C-USA to the American, and with a guaranteed spot in the expanded playoff for the best G5 Champion, the time to strike while the iron is hot is now!

Travis Scott is a UTSA alum that could attract a young audience of students and athletes, isn’t ashamed of doing shameless promos (we’re looking at you, McDonald’s Cactus Jack meal), and could host massive concerts in the AlamoDome. He also has experience with sports marketing already, designing shirts for the Houston Rockets, and is a college fan that’s south Texas to his core. One way to grow a young and rowdy alumni base would be to make hundreds off of Cactus Jack roadrunner merch and play Sicko Mode before the walkouts!

Memphis Tigers: Justin Timberlake

Memphis is in the same boat as UTSA in that they’re a G5 team with one of the most exciting offenses in football with some consistent success where they could reasonably see themselves as the CFP representative. They’re also no stranger to taking big swings already, hiring Penny Hardaway to be their basketball ambassador.

I think there’s a guy from the Memphis area that previously owned a Memphis sports franchise that could benefit from having a PR facelift in light of some recent events!

The Sexyback Stadium! Who says no?

UCLA Bruins: Katy Perry

UCLA football is in the midst of an identity crisis. They play in arguably the most iconic stadium, yet USC is the football school across the street that owns the city. They just had their head coach leave in order to take an ASSISTANT job somewhere else because it was a better job, and they play in beautiful, sunny California where there are simply other things to care about despite the plethora of resources. DeShaun Foster also just stumbled over his entire pressure with a “We play in LA…” press conference that was entirely awkward. A school with so much basketball success, sunny Los Angeles, the Rose Bowl, and a magnificent color scheme shouldn’t be this irrelevant.

It’s time to bring in the California Queen of the mid-2000’s: Katy Perry.

She went from performing Super Bowl halftime shows to having a massive public fall-off when it comes to the record-selling we were accustomed to. So, what’s the college football connection aside from just being someone from SoCal? 10 years ago, College Gameday didn’t have a celebrity guest picker lined up. Perry just said, “sure, why not?” having no connection to the Ole Miss location and having never attended a college football game.

Her appearance in a fuzzy pink and black jersey and 7-2 record will forever be one of the most entertaining.

Come back to us and remix California Girls to California Boys, Katy.